Using Music To Cultivate Social and Emotional Skills

Music is a wonderful way to teach and nurture social-emotional skills. It reaches those tricky brain areas while helping to ease reactive feelings. You might find the acronym L.E.A.P – Learn, Exemplify, Apply, Practice – useful for weaving music into your teaching. Here’s how you can use the song “I Can Do Things” by Stephanie Leavell as an example of using music to support skill-building.

**Learn**: The brain absorbs information best when it’s calm. Look for a peaceful moment with your kids, like during a car ride or while doing an activity together, to listen to a song from the playlist that connects with a skill they’re finding challenging. Discuss what the song means and how it can be applied in tough situations. For example, you can relate “I Can Do Things” to something they often struggle with, like putting on their jammies at bedtime.

**Exemplify**: Sing the song during times when you need a little extra support, such as facing that daunting pile of dishes or staying regulated when you feel triggered. Remind your child, whether verbally or non-verbally, that everyone has moments when they need to lean on something outside of themselves to show up the way they want to.

**Apply**: Use the song as a calming tool to support your child through relevant and challenging moments. The key is to introduce the song before emotions flare up, which helps maintain calmness and encourages the use of the skills they’ve learned. If the calm moment has passed, you can still sing the song to them while they’re navigating their feelings; for instance, if they’re reluctant to put on jammies, you might say, “I can see this is tough for you, but I know you can do hard things,” while singing the song. Even if it doesn’t calm them right away, this approach fosters co-regulation, keeping you present and calm for them.

**Practice**: Incorporate the song into various scenarios. Role-play real or imaginary situations with the song’s support, getting them to engage their whole body or use toys for enactment. Family activities like charades based on the song and its themes could be a hit! When new situations pop up, chat about how to apply the song and the skills they’ve learned in those different contexts.

*Note*: If your child resists feedback or using music as a support, consider starting with a song that’s not directly related to their challenges, perhaps one linked to your experiences or the experience of a favorite story character. This can create a fun role-play opportunity and invite their song choices. It’s important to maintain a non-corrective and open environment to encourage their growth. If emotions start to rise, it might be best to pause until a safer moment arises. And if you ever find yourself in need of more support for yourself or your kids, I’m here to help.

Using Music to Restore Emotional Reserves

Music is a powerful tool that can help to restore emotional balance. All parents know extreme highs and lows that come with parenting a toddler and preschooler. When ADHD or other neurodivergences are present, parents typically see these meltdowns lasting for longer durations with greater intensity and for years beyond their typically developing peers. When a meltdown comes fast and hard, it can impact the whole day. Sometimes we show up with our capes on and emotions in check as we get down on their level, co-regulate with them, and arrive together on the other side of the storm. But after 5, 10, 45+ min of coregulation our own emotions are frayed and fragile. When the next meltdown comes, our ability to show up the way we want to is often diminished. This is where music can come in! Music chosen intentionally for the emotions it surfaces and the feelings it creates can help turn the day around! While it might not prevent any further meltdowns, it can support everyone in raising the tipping point and increasing the ability for the caregivers to show up in better regulated and more present ways.

One song that can be especially helpful for a reset is “Through the Woods” by the Okee Dokee Brothers - Ask your kids to pretend to go for a walk in the woods with you. Imagine your favorite hike and all the wonderous things you might see in the woods, point out the owls and the deer and the waterfalls and ask them what they see. (Nature is another incredible tool to reset and restore emotional balance, but we’ll leave that for another post!)

While the majority of these songs are specifically kids songs, these songs are chosen for parents as well. We all have moments in which we need to lean into something outside of ourselves to keep showing up the way we want to. We all need a reminder that having a grateful heart can help us be more empathetic, that it’s ok to ask for help, and that we really do want to hear the emotions of the little hearts we treasure so dearly. And that even on our children’s darkest days, we will stand by our kids as “All My Life” by WILD says it best.